Good morning all-
I’d like to start this post with a sincere ‘thank you’.
After that last post, I had so many people reach out to me with words of
support and love. It was overwhelming in a good way. To know that that many
people truly care – some who I haven’t been in communication with for months,
fellow PCV’s, returned volunteers, family etc. . . I will never have the words
to thank you all properly. You all helped me get through what was, by far, the
toughest few days I’ve had in my Peace Corps experience.
I had a long chat with my Peace Corps supervisor last week,
and unfortunately there will be no changes regarding my work assignments, or
site placement. While during the talk I felt that I was being supported, and
given good examples and potentials for work, afterwards I sat for a while and
thought upon it all. I am not leaving ICAP, or the DPS and my role with PCVL
will continue to be one of administration support from my computer, all here in
Quelimane. It became apparent that these suggestions for work were nothing of
what I was to be doing in this third year… It was in that moment that I reached
the greatest level of despair for my future here in Mozambique. So, after allowing myself a few days of
serious depression, self-pity, and hiding in my house, I’ve decided to try and
turn things around. Or at the very least, try to.
I have decided to give this post one more try. For the month
of February I will be taking one day at a time, trying to give everything I can
into work and my assignments here, while making pro/con lists about the
experience. In addition to this I will be applying for some jobs and seeing
what possibilities are available to me in the Pittsburgh area. If by the end of the month I still am
unhappy, I will terminate my contract with Peace Corps, and come home. I have
given 5 months to this extension position, and feel that it unfortunately has
been a gigantic waste of time. I do not feel that I have accomplished anything
of true value, and that I am not getting anything out of it. While during my
two years in Quissico I often felt that I wasn't giving enough, I was at least
immersing myself in the culture and having fantastic life experiences.
As my friend stated, there are three parts to think about in
a peace corps experience – work, culture exchange and enjoyment. While work was
not always available in Quissico, I still enjoyed hanging out with my local
friends and neighbors there, and learned a great deal about the culture. Here
in Quelimane, it is obvious that I am not enjoying my ‘work’ am getting little
to no cultural exchange, and generally do not like the environment I am living
in. SO…. That's where things are with me.
Today is a holiday- Mozambican Hero’s Day. Meaning the ICAP
office is closed – not that it really matters - - I went to the office
yesterday to find that both my counterpart and supervisor are gone for the
week. . . no notice, no information. Whatever. I spent the day at the office,
and enrolled myself in an online course through edX, a MIT course called
Challenges of Global Poverty. . and then did an online certificate course
through USAID about HIV and its, biology, epidemiology and prevention. I went
and had some delicious soup for lunch at a new café I’ve discovered – note to
self, stop eating hot spicy soup in 90+ degree weather… and then in the evening
I mentally recharged with my yoga practice.
Those are my plans.
Let me know what you think.
xo
and in the meantime, check out some amazing TED talks that I've found to be completely inspiring -
Ben Saunders: To the South Pole and back
Nancy Frates: Meet the mom who started the Ice Bucket Challenge
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ReplyDeleteA great TED from 2010
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/qp0HIF3SfI4
Taylor-mama, I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated on so many levels. It seems smart that you asked yourself if you are achieving your three goals - work, culture, and fun, were they? And if you feel you are not, it is your decision - and I support whatever that is - to leave Moz or not. I, too, had at least 5 months of delays and intercultural problems when I first reached my site - my FIRST site. After ridiculous challenges most people would probably have quit, but I finally settled into some routine. At the end of a year after death of my mother, my cat, sexual aggression/assault, etc... I had to ask myself What have I done here? Do I feel I can make anything of this - what more can I do? And I had to really ask myself if I truly thought my being there could be of value. I made a decision - which sounds like yours - that all those other people and experiences do NOT MAKE my experience; I make my experience. So I created a plan for the things I could legitimately do, regardless of plans or facilities or counterparts that didn't show up or whatever. And I did it. I'm telling you this because I know you are strong and smart and capable. You may need to look for whatever need is there that you think you can address before your year is up, and work to address that. Even if it has nothing to do with what you were sent there to do. I believe in you and regardless of staying or leaving, you must do what you believe is right - for you and those around you. And BTW, good on ya for seeking distance/online education - so smart, you are! That's my two cents. I send you hugs, sister. <3 Your previous REDES pal Heather;)
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