breaking point

Hey all –
Sorry its been a bit since my last update. . . All has not been well here in Moz, and I’ve been struggling with finding the words to express it all.

My, my, my. . . how my blog’s tone has shifted to one of a negative-nancy …. But I suppose that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

So, the last time we spoke it was one week after my return to Moz, things with work were frustrating . . and I was overwhelmed with the heat and annoyances of life in Quelimane. Since that time, work with ICAP has yet to pick up, and I finally reached my breaking point with them. I’m done. Totally and completely over it.

With ICAP, it just seems to be non-stop data entry, and then the team not having enough time to do anything but that. . many pcv's including myself are finding it difficult to find how our activities/job descriptions fit with ICAP's goals, and for many of us, our teams have told us that they do not. Some pcv's have even been told that the organization did not want a volunteer, and that it was kind of forced on them… my job description has still yet to be reviewed, I have not done anything in relation to the GAAC program or the peer educator enhancement/support – which were my main interests and reason for moving here. 

With the DPS, I have yet to meet with my ‘counterpart’ a man I have met twice and couldn't pick out of a crowd if I tried. . . I know there is an emergency situation here in Zambezia province with the floods and such, but I’d much rather be of use than sitting around with my teeth in my mouth.

I’ve been exploring other options with I-NGO’s, finding administrative work with Peace Corps (which basically means I sit on my computer all day) and am looking forward to next week to find out how I will be involved with site development and any potential forward movement with my role as Peace Corps Volunteer Leader.

In short, I've reached a point here where I am sincerely unhappy. This has been the first time in my entire Peace Corps career that I have considered quitting.

To put the cherry on this soured sundae, I was almost homeless in quelimane. There was a communication error on all sides, and my rent was not paid through the month of January. . .yesterday afternoon I was on the phone with 4 different people for a few hours, numerous emails sent, and finally I have assurances that I will be staying in this apartment at least until the end of February. . . woo.

I know that this is a broken record of blog posts . . and through it all I've truly tried to stay positive… I want nothing more than to have a productive and enjoyable experience here . . . however, I feel that I’ve just reached a breaking point emotionally. I’m exhausted with all of the drama and continued frustrations.

….. on the plus side.
(didn't think I had one, did ya?)

I bought a new fan for my apartment, which is a total game changer for me. No more getting shocked plugging it in, because they were just metal fragments being stuck into an outlet, it oscillates and is silent! WILD.

I have also been finding solace in my yoga practice, listening to podcasts, good musc, and doodling.

I’d like to give a quick shout out to my parents who have been so incredibly supportive since my return here. . .they have listened to my rants over skype, and responded to my emails filled with frustration and hopelessness. Thank you both for your own versions of support. It makes it both easier and harder knowing you are in my corner, but reminds me how much I miss you kids while I’m gone.

Countdown – who knows. August seems pretty fucking far away.

weekend update

One week down…. 29 more to go.

Rough estimate.

My official date for close of service (COS) is August 10, however I cannot be medically cleared until thurs/ fri of that week . . .so I will be looking for flights home probably the 14^th or so. . . giving me just about a week to settle in and get ready for grad school.

In the meantime, I have been applying for a few scholarships, figuring out where I should live upon my return, and doing some hopeful planning for an adventure to Tanzania in April to potentially climb Kilimanjaro with a good friend from home!

The end of my week and weekend has found me back in my domesticated life, cooking up some truly delicious and healthy dishes, back to my yoga practice, wandering around town in truly sweltering temperatures, and dodging raindrops. Work you ask? HA! Just kidding. . . I sent out numerous emails upon my return, asking what has been going on, what sorts of projects have come into fruition since my departure, and how I can be of use in these coming months. . . I received one email in response that simply said “happy new year, and welcome back” ….. informative, no?

I’m going to stop by the ICAP office tomorrow morning to check in, and see whats been going on. I’m honestly not sure who is all back from holidays yet, and should know by now that work really doesn't start until the first few days of February. . but alas, I still have hope and some expectations haha.

I’m looking to get involved more with my Peace Corps Volunteer Leader position (PCVL) in the next few coming months. Helping with site identification, and development for incoming volunteers in the new health group. I’ve also sent a proposal to my supervisor about potentially playing a larger role with the pre-service training in Namaacha with the new volunteers starting in May. I’d like to get involved in the programming aspect of Peace Corps, assisting where I can, and being a peer support/resource for the new volunteers.

I’m attempting to find outlets to be productive these next few months before coming home, and realize that I really and truly do not want to be stuck in a dead-end position here in Quelimane that is not offering me any professional development, or allowing me to really do anything of use.

Because there have been such torrential downpours here in the north, I thought a safety update would be good for you all at home. The northern region of Moz has been affected by floods, which resulted from the heavy rains that were experienced in the past few weeks within the country. Many rivers have flooded, and bridges were destroyed because of this. One of the main bridges in Mocuba (about 3 hours north of my site) was broken by the floods, and many in this town have been left homeless… hopefully there will be a temporary metal bridge put in place to allow thoroughfare, however Cyclone Chedza has been detected in the Moz Channel, whih may further affect the central and northern regions of Moz with heavy rainfall in the coming days.

There have also been power outages in the entire northern part of the country due to the floods… the government says that the problem will hopefully be resolved within two to three weeks, but who knows. This situation has affected the communication system, banking systems, and commerce.

Various other bridges have been washed away, and some important roadways and railways have been flooded, therefore cutting the north in pieces. Thankfully all PCV’s have been accounted for, and are safe. As I write this, the rain continues to pound on my tin overhang that shelters my veranda. I wish I could say the rain cools things off. . .instead, it just causes extreme mugginess (is that a word) and things to become truly sticky. I am ever grateful to be on a second floor here in the north, and that I still have energy. 

Upcoming fun events – the weekend of valentines day is Carnival here in Quelimane! I have heard nothing but really fun things about this festival, and apparently Quelimane is called “pequeno brazil” … so that should be something to look forward to. I’ve put the cap of potential guests at 15 for my house, and have given numbers for local guest houses/hotels. Fingers crossed that the road situations improve, and that people are able to come and celebrate.

Now that I am settled back into my house, I am realizing that I forgot to purchase a few key things while in America. Blame it on being overwhelmed…. But I did. A day planner and some good spices (ie, basil, oregano) are on the top of the list of things I forgot. No big issues. . . hindsight is always 20/20 I suppose haha!

Anyway. Hope you are all surviving the cold temperatures, and are enjoying the snow!

Beijos-

t

tales from the road

International travel… an exciting journey to an exotic location. Or at least that's what one may think when they hear those words. The reality of the situation is another story entirely.

On the way to the states, I was originally planning on traveling to Maputo, from Quelimane on the 8^th of December. . .after arriving at the airport at noon, anticipating a flight at 1pm, I discovered it had been delayed until 5pm. . .no issue, I had a good book with me, my phone, and there is a café at the airport. So I settled in with my book, and a beer to pass the time. 4pm rolls around and I’m informed that the flight was pushed back to 9pm…. No point in going anywhere at this point, so I ordered myself some food, and went back to my book. Check-in at 8pm finds me at the counter, only to discover that my ticket, had not actually been purchased. DEEP SIGH. So. I went back to my locked up apartment, where the energy and water had been shut off for my trip home. . . and just laid in my bed.

Tuesday the 9^th, I made my flight – barely – because the airplane actually arrived an hour early. . . but all is good. I made the flight, arrived in Maputo, and then went to the house of an ex-pat who was willing to host a PCV. We had a lovely dinner together, and I went to bed early, all prepped for my flight to the states the next day.

But of course, it wasn't that simple. . the next morning I awoke, showered and went out to the craft market to look at some potential gifts for friends/family. I returned to the house (mind you this is a beautiful house in the nice part of Maputo) to find that the guest bedroom was completely FLOODED. Apparently the shower faucet had detached from the wall, and flooded the bathroom and then the room. All was ship-shape before I left for the craft market, so I really don't know if it was something I did, or if it was just a freak accident after use of the shower. . .either way.  . this is why I can have nice things.

The flights to Pittsburgh were uneventful, some delays getting into Atlanta that made me miss my first connecting flight, but thankfully there was one that I could easily board right after getting through customs. All was well. I landed safely and was greeted by one of my best college friends. Couldn't have asked for a better homecoming.

The trip back . . . buckle up kids. This is a good one.

I left Pittsburgh on a day where it was 1 degree, bundled up, arriving at the airport. . . checked in, and checked my bag through to Maputo no issue (however they couldn't print out my boarding pass from Johannesburg to Maputo … not sure why) and made it through security no issue. Arrived in Atlanta to find that my flight had been delayed an hour or so, no issue, I got a smoothie and settled in with my book.

The flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg was uneventful, people beside me on each international flight were not interesting at all (such a shame, I love to chat), and I arrived in Joberg with about 30 minutes to make my connecting flight to Maputo. This is where shit hit the fan.

My bag was checked through to Maputo. But I didn't have a boarding pass …. And the desk in front of security was already closed for the evening. Fortunately a nice woman at South African Airlines took pity on me, and booked me for a flight an hour later. UNfortunately that meant I had to go through customs, collect my bag, pay the penalty fee for my ticket change, and get back through customs, check my bag, and get through security. . . .in one hour?? Ya ok.

Standing in line at customs, I watched the hands on my watch pass the hour mark. . .and then keep going. Finally making it through, I went to baggage claim. . of course my bag wasn't there. So I filed a claim, and went to the ticket sales counter. Paid my penalty fee for a flight the next morning, and tried to print out a boarding pass so I could get back through customs, and sleep in a safer part of the airport. . . no dice. That's when it all started hitting me. My bag was lost, I was stranded in a very unsafe airport/city, and had no means of communication with anyone.

I allowed myself to have a quick mini-meltdown in the bathroom… collected myself, and went back to the Delta desk to figure out a game plan. I found a cheaper guest house, that offered free transport to and from the airport, and checked myself in for the night. A hot shower, and a comfortable bed later, I was feeling a bit better. I was jet lagged and stressed, so sleep did not find me. . . but it was infinitely better than sitting alone in an unsafe airport at the check-in desk.

My flight to Maputo was ok, still didn't know where my bag was at that point, but Peace Corps granted me an evening in the capital city until my bag was found. Later the afternoon on Monday it arrived on a flight from Johannesburg. . . thankfully it had not been tampered with, and I was able to check in for my morning flight on Tuesday to Quelimane. That flight was only delayed two hours, which is a new record for shortest time spent in the airport. Arrived in Quelimane no issue. And have been settling back into my home here, getting things organized, sweeping up the dead cockroaches, getting the musty smell out of things, cleaning up the water that leaked into my house. Etc.

Unfortunately the northern part of Mozambique is totally disjointed right now, due to HEAVY rains. Roads are flooded out, bridges washed away etc. Some people have been trying to cross via ferry/canoe’s but those are capsizing. . . many volunteers were mid-return travel back to their sites after the holidays and have found themselves stranded at other sites. I have a volunteer with me right now, who can’t return to site until Peace Corps says so, because the road to his site is completely flooded out.

Every town north of me is without power or running water, so I am incredibly thankful/counting the minutes until it cuts out here.

Quelimane is flooded in some places, and I find that I have to wade around town, picking new routes to get to the places I need to.  I’m heading back to work on Monday, so just using these few days to settle back in, and get my house in order.

-tchau kiddos

tchau america!

Greetings from the Atlanta international airport-

Thus ends my 30-day trip home. It was a mixture of lots of happiness, laughter, good food, and time well spent with loved ones.

I arrived on the 11^th of December, after experiencing some travel issues, getting out of Mozambique, and then again getting out of Johannesburg. . . I get it Africa, you don't want me to leave. Made it home safely, and my bag arrived without issue. It was a long series of flights, which have been added on to with my flight from Quelimane. . . it now takes 4 flights to reach where I live, rather than just three, or two and a bus. Oh well… roll with the punches, right?

The Christmas holidays passed wonderfully with many visits to and from family members, and friends who have become family over the years. I couldn't have asked for a nicer time with people. The only thing that would have taken it to the next level would have been if there was snow. . . but I did get some of that the last few days I was home! Which, much to the complaints of my friends, I LOVED. Not having seen snow for over two years will do that to a girl.

katrina and i bought a tree for the apartment! 

katrina, cassie and i down in the strip district, before the whiskey distillery tour

christmas eve with my family

It was nice being back in Pittsburgh in some respects, and challenging in others. Many of my friends don't truly get what it is that I’m doing, nor can stories do my lifestyle justice . . though I do love to tell them. So while they listen with patience and understanding to me as I waffle on about my challenges and frustrations – often finding that I have to stop to figure out how to say the phrase in English, its not fully comprehended. This is something I realized after talking a bit with my aunt who is an RPCV, and then spending a week with returned Moz 18ers in Boston over the New Year. I am very happy to have seen my friends and family, don’t get me wrong, and I love seeing how successful everyone has been in their lives – many including an engagement or marriage in the past few years, or the upcoming months. . but that is all so far from my reality that it provided a challenge of relatiability.

Except for my week trip to Boston (which was absolutely wonderful) I spent most of my time home in the Pittsburgh area, some days I was all over the city, and others just spent in the south hills. Deciding to stay with my friend Katrina at my old apartment was a nice alternative being home. Not that I wouldn’t have been fine staying at my parents home, but this offered me a bit more freedom and opportunity to feel more normal, considering that I’ve been on my own for a good while now and kind of have my own routines and habits. Unfortunately I never got to go to the overlook on Mt. Washington, go ice skating, bowling, or skiing. . . unfortunately. Luckily I’ll be back in 7 or so months and can have that world at my fingertips again.

moz 18. . . looking rather cold in boston

The last few days stateside were spent running errands, making trips to Trader Joe’s to stock up on good snacks, and spices/sauces, and indulging in delicious foods (Sushi, Mexican, Chinese etc). I did make a day trip to UPJ, to give a brief presentation about Peace Corps and my experience in Moz, which I feel went well. It was crazy to be back on my old college campus, and though I didn't walk around too much, due to the insanely cold temperatures, I was greeted with a rush of memories and such as I pulled into and out of campus.

Earlier that day I had the opportunity to meet with my future advisor at Pitt for my masters program, which was exactly what I needed. A part of me feels that returning to Pittsburgh in August is taking a step backwards, though I will be there to advance my academic career, its back in the city that I was born and raised. . . it's a great spot, don't misunderstand me. . I just don't want to ‘end up’ there. At least not yet. There is still so much of this world that I want to see and explore. Hopefully I can do a study abroad/work abroad travel with my masters studies, and then find some job that will keep me in an international lifestyle.

Anywho. . . I promise to be better about blogging these last few months in Moz. So be ready for all the good, bad and poop-filled stories haha!