breaking point

Hey all –
Sorry its been a bit since my last update. . . All has not been well here in Moz, and I’ve been struggling with finding the words to express it all.

My, my, my. . . how my blog’s tone has shifted to one of a negative-nancy …. But I suppose that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes.

So, the last time we spoke it was one week after my return to Moz, things with work were frustrating . . and I was overwhelmed with the heat and annoyances of life in Quelimane. Since that time, work with ICAP has yet to pick up, and I finally reached my breaking point with them. I’m done. Totally and completely over it.

With ICAP, it just seems to be non-stop data entry, and then the team not having enough time to do anything but that. . many pcv's including myself are finding it difficult to find how our activities/job descriptions fit with ICAP's goals, and for many of us, our teams have told us that they do not. Some pcv's have even been told that the organization did not want a volunteer, and that it was kind of forced on them… my job description has still yet to be reviewed, I have not done anything in relation to the GAAC program or the peer educator enhancement/support – which were my main interests and reason for moving here. 

With the DPS, I have yet to meet with my ‘counterpart’ a man I have met twice and couldn't pick out of a crowd if I tried. . . I know there is an emergency situation here in Zambezia province with the floods and such, but I’d much rather be of use than sitting around with my teeth in my mouth.

I’ve been exploring other options with I-NGO’s, finding administrative work with Peace Corps (which basically means I sit on my computer all day) and am looking forward to next week to find out how I will be involved with site development and any potential forward movement with my role as Peace Corps Volunteer Leader.

In short, I've reached a point here where I am sincerely unhappy. This has been the first time in my entire Peace Corps career that I have considered quitting.

To put the cherry on this soured sundae, I was almost homeless in quelimane. There was a communication error on all sides, and my rent was not paid through the month of January. . .yesterday afternoon I was on the phone with 4 different people for a few hours, numerous emails sent, and finally I have assurances that I will be staying in this apartment at least until the end of February. . . woo.

I know that this is a broken record of blog posts . . and through it all I've truly tried to stay positive… I want nothing more than to have a productive and enjoyable experience here . . . however, I feel that I’ve just reached a breaking point emotionally. I’m exhausted with all of the drama and continued frustrations.

….. on the plus side.
(didn't think I had one, did ya?)

I bought a new fan for my apartment, which is a total game changer for me. No more getting shocked plugging it in, because they were just metal fragments being stuck into an outlet, it oscillates and is silent! WILD.

I have also been finding solace in my yoga practice, listening to podcasts, good musc, and doodling.

I’d like to give a quick shout out to my parents who have been so incredibly supportive since my return here. . .they have listened to my rants over skype, and responded to my emails filled with frustration and hopelessness. Thank you both for your own versions of support. It makes it both easier and harder knowing you are in my corner, but reminds me how much I miss you kids while I’m gone.

Countdown – who knows. August seems pretty fucking far away.