tick. tock. tick. tock.

Good morning all-

In the ICAP office this morning, the entire team is in their weekly meeting, I was told that my attendance was not necessary about a month ago, so here I am hanging out waiting for my coworkers to be done.

Kind of a frustrating morning here in Quelimane – currently I feel like I’m in a gigantic waiting room . . .waiting for the DPS to get back to me about site development information, that I can then pass onto Peace Corps so then we can organize our travel schedule for this month’s visits. Waiting on ICAP to get their request forms for volunteers submitted to me (which should have been handed in, back in January) so I can then submit them to Peace Corps and we can add those locations to our site visits.

In addition to all of this, I’m waiting for responses from Peace Corps Medical Office regarding some severe back pain I’ve been having (I’ve been self medicating with Yoga, stretches, and ibuprofen), and waiting for news about scholarships and financial aid regarding graduate school.

Have you ever been told “no” in so many ways so many times that you eventually just stop caring? That's kind of how I’ve been feeling as of late. . . maybe that's the wrong way to say it. I’m still here and trying to be present in the moment, doing my work, and doing it well. . . Just not investing myself in things anymore because I’ve continuously been set up for disappointments.

Back in November it was- if things don't get better, we will consider moving you to Namaacha to help with PST and work there. Then when things didn't get better, it was – we don't need a volunteer in Namaacha, you are staying where you are . . .only to find out a month later they have a volunteer working full time there. (small slap in the face).  Found out this weekend that I’m not going to PST at all this year, and not being involved with the training of new volunteers in any way because they want to use current volunteers for the trainings . . .(so what exactly am I?).

I’ve been trying to organize a yoga retreat for volunteers, hopefully doing it the first weekend of July at two beach resorts here, one in the north, one in the south. . . just gauging volunteer interest at the moment and trying to determine logistics of it all. Peace Corps denied funding assistance to the proposed weekend, which is fine I suppose, just another semi-no. Hopefully it gains some traction and in the future it can be a PC organized and funded activity. Fingers crossed.

Recently I discovered that I have 45 unused vacation days here in Peace Corps. . . So I asked PC if I could use 30 of those days to COS early (close of service) allowing me a bit more time stateside to organize my life before school starts, see my parents before they move to Texas, etc . . . they said no. SO . . . I’m going to be using some of those days for my trip to Swaziland at the end of May and beginning of June to visit Quissico and other sites in the south.

That leaves me with many remaining days. . . and as of now, the idea is to travel to Myanmar to visit a Buddhist temple and see an old friend who is living there. I’m thinking travel dates of July 13-30^th or so, coming back in time to pack up, and get to Maputo by August 10 to start my COS process.

I am not meaning to bad mouth Peace Corps . . .when talking to other volunteers about potential extending I continue to be very positive about it all. I’m trying to be a positive influence in volunteers experiences here, and a good resource for them. When people ask me if I could go back and decided to extend again or not - I still would. That's the insane part about it. This year has by far been the hardest of the entire experience. I’ve encountered a lot of “no”, a lot of frustration and personal struggle . .. but. . .I've also learned a lot. And its forced me to look deeper into a lot of things, allowed me a chance to focus on my health and wellness more, and shown me another side of Moz.

I’ve experienced the good with the bad as in all aspects of life. I had an incredible first two years, and had a not so great third year, therefore giving me a full perspective.

Not too much going on this week – just work per normal, and working out. I started the Insanity workouts and have been interchanging one day of Insanity with one day of a good yoga flow. My lower back has been killing me, but I need the cardio and exercise to keep me sane. The yoga helps my back from fully falling apart, and my mental health in check.

Namaste